living by accident

It’s been a month since I tried to set myself on the path back to where I need to be. I have to be honest, it wasn’t easy, but I think that time away helped me to open my eyes up to all the things I had missed. Somehow I developed this hardened view of my church, which I carried from new church to new church in my time away, and I don’t know where it came from. But I went back.

I’ve started going back to the church that I turned my back on, the sunday service, the college service, the worship services…I’ve missed them. I gave it all up, went back in, and my church welcomed me back with open arms and a happiness to see me that I can’t begin to explain. I was missed. And so were they. My friends, my pastors, the lessons I learned during my time there. It all came back and melted a stone heart. This was my home. This is where I found God, where I accepted Christ, where I was baptized in the water by my best friend, a man who was like a brother and someone that I had missed beyond words. There is still some mending to do in all of these places, but what can we not say that about? Having taken that time away, God worked in my heart and the hearts of those around me and has reunited us all at a time when we can do the most good for His glory.

As cheesy as it sounds, after my first time there I was reminded of the story of the prodigal son. Not that I had gone out and wasted what my Father had given me, or lived a life of debauchery, but in some way I turned my back on the home he had built for me in my church. And when I started on my journey back, the Lord lifted His robe and came running to meet me. That night, after church, as I sat thinking about how amazing God was and how much He can do in such a short amount of time, I decided to go for a run. It’s something I love to do when I have a lot to think about. It helps me focus. I go out, alone at night, covering the city from one end to the other, and I notice things that I’ve never noticed before.

After a moment, I paused my run as I was overcome with this great joy, this moment where I just stood there, watching the fog of my breath as I exhaled into the cold, looking up at the stars and became overwhelmed with a sense that God was with me, standing in the cold, never to leave my side. It nearly brought a tear to my eye, and had it not been so cold, it just may have happened. And, in that moment, as my ipod in my pocket was picking songs at random, Tears of the Saints by Leeland came on. I couldn’t help but think it was God’s way of reminding that His grace is always present, His mercy is forever ours, and His mission is still our call to action.

Since then, I’ve been listening to Leeland a lot more often. I forgot how great these songs were, how deeply relevant they can all be if you really sit and think about what they mean, what they’re saying. Songs like Carried to the Table in which we’re reminded that, no matter what we do or how far we stray, God is there with us, providing for us, caring for us, and loving us. I know that God has something big in store for me. I know that God has more in this world for me to do. And I will sit, patiently, and wait for it to happen by His timing.