I know I promised this to be a business lesson and I assure you I am getting there.  Many success coaches tell you to mimic the habits of successful people.  While I do not disagree, it is important to be selective with which habits you follow.  The author of Ecclesiastes was one of the wisest men in all of the land yet he had made every mistake a man could make.  How could this be?  If he is so wise, and his wisdom so valuable, how can he be this flawed?  Because that’s reality.

At thirty-four years old I found myself looking at a roadmap of only two decades with a not-so-happy ending.  I was in the same career path as my father.  My business was doing quite well and it was similar to his.  His industry peers were also mine.  Heck. I look like him and my waistline was headed in his direction.  I was all set until things started going downhill.  I was a husband and a business owner with a lot of pressures.  What now?  I started by telling myself that I needed to figure out what Dad would do.  It took me a few months to realize that wasn’t going to work.

When I was seven, my dad taught me to ride a bicycle.  I was scared to pedal without his hand on the seat.  One day, I looked back to see he was far behind and I was pedaling just fine.  It has been eight years since Dad let go of that bicycle and I’m still doing just fine.  We search our lives for heroes and father figures.  Many heroic figures chose to end their own lives with alcohol and a bullet including Ernest Hemingway, Hunter S. Thompson, Junior Seau, Kurt Cobain, Don Cornelius, Vincent van Gogh, Freddie Prinze, Richard Jeni and Jeret Peterson.

Heroes are like drugs.  They make you feel like you can do anything.  Until they don’t.  Listen carefully.  There is no one better fit to manage your life than you.  There is no one stronger than you.  So put on those shoes and stand the hell up straight.  It’s time to be your own hero.

Now I’m going to drink my coffee.

While aspiring in our twenties my wife, Nastassia, and I would walk our dogs one hour per night after we both got off of work.  These walks would take place in the rich neighborhood just across the boulevard and the conversations would consist of starting our own business and achieving our dreams.  After seven years at my employer, we felt it was time we could run our own similar business.  We planned my exit for mid-October 2001 and had only about a paycheck in the bank.  The world changed on September 11th but we kept on course.

We first set up a desk and a computer in the kitchen of our one bedroom apartment.  I then drove my car with no working air conditioner three hundred miles to an industry trade show.  Although this conference was very under-attended so close after the recent terrorist attacks, I was able to bond with one potential client and also show the elite in my industry that I could stand in the same room with them and look just as good in a suit and a smile.

This one relationship I made at the trade show provided the reference that I needed to land my first job.  This first job gave me the opportunity to perform obsessively well and nurture a client relationship that led to ten years and over one million dollars in income.

For Nastassia and me, two quotes remain a constant inspiration:

• “If you reach for the stars, no matter how far you go, you will get further than most people.” ~ Raijko Bojic (Nastassia’s Dad)
• “Keep. On. Plugging.” ~ Bob Holmes (Rob’s Dad)

I hope you will stay tuned and follow this series, as I believe my stories can help you in your journey as they continue to help us.

Now, I’m going to finish my coffee.

Rob's Pathfinder upside down on the freeway

On a Saturday morning in 2005, shortly after the death of my father, I was driving down the 10 Freeway in Los Angeles when a man in a red Jeep Wrangler ran me off the road and kept driving.  I lost control of my steering and rolled about six times down a hill, with my car landing upside down on another freeway.  Unable to see oncoming traffic from my vantage point, I hung there uncertain of my future.  So I unclasped my seatbelt, fell on the roof and exited the vehicle without a scratch.  Days later I got another car and the disc came with me.  I kept driving and tomorrow kept coming.

Today, I decided to share this intimate list of songs with you, along with links to play them.  I hope they comfort, energize, daze and inspire you wherever you are going.  In the last twelve years, I have experienced great success, huge failure, extreme happiness and terrible tragedy.  I still don’t know where I’m going and I wouldn’t change a thing.  I leave you with one piece of advice: “If you keep driving tomorrow will keep coming.”

“Theme from Shaft” – Isaac Hayes

“Truck Turner (Main Theme)” – Isaac Hayes

“Superstition” – Stevie Wonder

“It’s In The Way That You Use It” – Eric Clapton

“Cruel Little Number” – Jeff Healey Band

“But It’s Alright” – Huey Lewis and The News

“Indian Outlaw” – Tim McGraw

“Bullet the Blue Sky (Live Version)” – U2

“Give to Live” – Sammy Hagar

“I Feel Lucky” – Mary Chapin-Carpenter

“Showdown” – Electric Light Orchestra

“Superfly” – Curtis Mayfield

“Gotcha (Theme From Starsky and Hutch)” – Tom Scott and the L.A. Express

“Couldn’t Get It Right” – Climax Blues Band

Image via Wikipedia

On Friday I had a brunch meeting with my wife, who is also my business partner of ten years, and had a nice time.  We both had a Sante Fe scramble and went on our way after the business discussion convened.  My next stop was Starbuck’s (the branch office), then the office.  After work, I headed down to the local tavern for a bit until I made my way home for Date Nite.  We ate kung pao chicken from our favorite Chinese joint down the road.  We watched the latest episode of our current favorite show ‘Justified‘.  Shortly thereafter I began snoozing and continued sawing wood until the next morning.  Sometime Saturday I show up at the office and I realize that my company credit card is missing.  Should I worry?  Should I not?

I decided not to worry.  I rarely lose things.  Misplace them?  Yes.  Lose forever?  Not so much.  Besides, if I called the credit card company and reported it lost/stolen I would be stuck having to change a heck of a lot of recurring charges on Monday.  Whether you deem my actions wise or lazy is up to you.  Read on.

Living by Accident principle #1 is: “Ask yourself, ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’  If it is not as bad as having your fingernails pulled out with pliers like George Clooney in Syriana, then there is nothing to worry about.”

I took myself a deep breath and decided to live my next few days keeping my eyes peeled for the card expecting it to turn up.  Days go by and I begin to doubt my wise half.  Wise half wins and I continue to keep the faith.  Finally, on Monday, I end up at Starbucks.  I asked the manager if my credit card had turned up and she stated it had not.  Time to panic, right?  No.

I hop into my Prius and hover through the parking lot and make my way past Bread Winners Cafe.  Wait.  That’s where Wifey and I had brunch the other day.  I parked my vehicle, walked inside and asked for the manager.  Turns out, I left the card on the table with the check unsigned.  It seems my return worked out for me and the waiter.  No worries, no harm, pure goodness.

What is the lesson I learned?  Don’t worry.

Image via Wikipedia

I don’t look for news.  I wait for news to find me.  One evening, a couple of years ago, I saw myself faced with CNN, Law & Order and a preacher on the Jesus channel.  All of them were advising me of the dismal state of this world.   That set me on a quest to determine what news actually affected me and the people around me and what did not.  I stopped listening to talk radio, I ceased watching news programs and began to rely only on the people around me for my news.  As a result  I am more focused, peaceful, productive and happier.  Best yet, my philosophies remain untainted by the noise generated by commercialism and politics.

There are almost 57 million square miles of dry land on the planet Earth and more than 6 billion people on it.  That leaves hundreds of people per square mile, whether populated or not.  I have faith in my fellow man.  I believe that, if we all begin where we are and concentrate on affecting those around us, we can be most effective.  The economy of this creates a forward-moving vacuum that is filled by others.  This moves the ripple forward.  It’s simple science, people.  Before you decide to spout off on politicians, the television, or foreign events, you need to first involve yourself in causing positivity and goodness right here and right now.  Positivity and goodness.  Here.  Now.  Remember, it’s just television.  Turn it off, look around, smile, and take action.

Image via Wikipedia

I was in San Francisco for a conference for three days and finishing up my final meeting before leaving the hotel for my flight.  As planned, I left the hotel around a quarter after four in the afternoon for my flight that was scheduled to leave at 6:30pm.  So I hopped in a cab and started on my way.  As usual, I called American Airlines to see if my flight was leaving on time or if there was a delay.  Turns out there was indeed a delay and it was no longer departing at 4:30pm and, instead, was departing 5:00pm.  Wait.  Darn!  I got the time zones mixed up.  It was leaving at 6:30pm Central Time.  A lot of good that does me.  So now I’m in a cab on my way to a flight that is leaving late in about ten minutes.  I scramble out of the cab and check in at the counter.  Thankfully, the attendant was kind enough to bypass the 30-minute check-in policy and give me my ticket.  There was no line at the security checkpoint and my gate was the first one on the right.  They just began boarding as I approached.  Seat 15a was awaiting my behind and I arrived home safe and sound.  I didn’t whine, yell or stress.  Even if things didn’t turn out as seamlessly as they did, my life would have been fine.

So I get off the plane and board the shuttle to the off-site parking lot.  I share my experience with the driver and tell him how glad I was that I made my flight and how I credit my positive outlook with the evening’s results.  During our conversation he told me he was depressed that day and even had suicidal thoughts.  We continued chatting and he told me all about his children.  As I got off the shuttle I told him to keep smiling.

This is another successful example of my method of happily tumbling forward from one moment to the next in order to achieve optimal attitude and results.  I call this “Living by Accident”.

I picked up Jake and drove down Central Expressway naming restaurants from the signs and let him pick the place.  He chose Outback Steakhouse.  I told him the only condition was that he speak “Australian” to all of the wait staff.  He agreed.  We had a blast and shared a chicken fried steak and a huge order of Aussie cheese fries.  My anxiety disorder is sometimes overprotective.  Having lunch with Jake was better than any other choice I could have made.

My father is my hero.  He was a great man and I aspire to be just like him.  His greatest talent was affecting people in whatever positive way he could. He gave encouraging advice, told jokes, poured his soul… whatever it took to make others better people.  A great need like that leaves one feeling empty yet fulfilled.  I say this not to emphasize the word ‘empty’ but the word ‘fulfilled’.  An empty gas tank got you to the best place you ever were.

Sometimes I think this was his goal in life.  It is my goal in life.  However unfocused, it is my passion.  Affecting as many people positively as I can in my short time here on Earth.  Emptying myself is not a bad thing just as it was not with my father.  But the more journeys you take others’ souls, the more often your gas tank is bone dry.

I guess the reason I am writing this is… I know many of us have a common goal of making others’ lives better.  Don’t feel guilty for needing to refuel.  You emptied that gas tank affecting someone.  Smile and refuel, whatever it takes.